Too Much Of A Good Thing
by Joe Fenton
Summary: Schemes, dreams, planning and cooking. Things don't always turn out as expected. Now multi-chapter by popular demand!
1. Much Too Much

Ranma 1/2: Too Much of a Good Thing - Chapter 1

Ranma 1/2 is a trademark of Viz Communications, Inc. and was created by Rumiko Takahashi.  
This story is of my own derivation and is not intended for commercial purposes, so please don't sue me.  


Too Much of a Good Thing

by Joe Fenton

Chapter 1: Much Too Much

Morning in Nerima found Kasumi busy in the kitchen, preparing breakfast as usual. She enjoyed being up early; it was usually the only peaceful part of the day. Once the others started stirring, kami only knew what craziness would ensue. While it was all very interesting, Kasumi was beginning to understand the curse, _may you live in interesting times_.

Today however, Kasumi was not alone in the kitchen; Nabiki sat on the counter, legs crossed at the ankles, nibbling on a carrot swiped from the pile Kasumi was slicing for the day's meals. Nabiki quit munching long enough to point out what was on both girl's minds.

"This business with Ranma and Akane is getting old." She sighed. "How long must our lives be on hold before those two _finally_ get it together?"

Kasumi could more than sympathize; at twenty, she wasn't getting any younger. All she wished for was the chance to work things out with a certain young doctor, but that had to wait until Ranma and Akane were settled; the family's honor was resting on that much sought after event. The problem was that the universe itself seemed dead set on preventing the two from ever finding happiness. Kasumi sighed as well. 'Actually', she thought, 'those two seem just as set against finding happiness themselves.' Case in point: the recently failed marriage attempt; things had gone just about as wrong at the wedding after Jusendo as could be expected when dealing with Ranma and Akane.

Nabiki continued, "I mean, what if I meet someone really wonderful at college this fall and we hit it off?" She noticed Kasumi's look and got irritated. "Hey! It could happen!"

"I know, I know." She moved back to the stove and added the chopped vegetables to one pot while stirring another. "We need some way to get them to break the ice, to admit to each other what the rest of us have known for a year now."

Nabiki nodded. "But more importantly, we need to get everyone else out of the way long enough for them to do that. All our previous plans have failed because one of the other girls, or enemies, or even parents stepped in at just the worst moment." She continued, "The problem with that is that everyone realizes they're being gotten out of the way and spoil everything by just not doing what we want." Nabiki mused on it a moment. "What we need to do is make plans for _everyone_, including Ranma and Akane; that way, no one gets suspicious. Then we make arrangements for just Ranma and Akane's plans to fall through."

Kasumi nodded her approval. "Sounds good; then what? You know those two won't fall into each others arms just because they're finally alone."

"Leave that to me." Nabiki kicked one leg while looking off into the distance. "I can get something that'll do just the trick."

Kasumi glared at her younger sister. "Now, you _know_ how I feel about love potions."

Nabiki shrugged it aside. "Don't worry. I won't go for anything too exotic. Just enough to break the ice... get them talking instead of fighting."

Noises from upstairs filtered down through the ceiling. Both girls looked up, then at each other. Nabiki hopped off the counter. "Okay, same time tomorrow to exchange info and ideas."

Kasumi nodded while finishing breakfast. The ravenous hordes would be down soon, and they expected heaps of food to be waiting.

****

The next morning found Kasumi and Nabiki in the kitchen once again. Nabiki was standing at the stove, stirring a pot, while Kasumi mixed some batter at the counter. She turned to face Nabiki, the mixing bowl braced against her while she continue beating it. "Okay, what do you have so far?"

Nabiki paused in her stirring. "First, the one thing that everything else must be planned to coincide with: Daddy and Mr. Saotome are being taken out by the old lech for panty raids - er, _training_ - in three weeks."

Kasumi looked thoughtful. "They won't be gone long. Stirring..."

Nabiki started, then resumed stirring to pot. "We only need an hour. Those three are the hardest to deal with, so everyone else must be worked around their plans." Her stirring slowed as she thought through other things. "The Kunos are away until the end of summer, as usual. Nothing to worry about there."

"Stirring..."

Nabiki sped up her stirring.

"What about Cologne, Shampoo, and Mousse?" Kasumi asked.

"That's not too much trouble. I've already arranged for one of my contacts to see that their alien residency papers get _misplaced_. It won't take them long to to clear it up, but they'll have to appear in person, and that'll keep them out of town for at least a couple of days." She looked at her older sister. "What about you? Any ideas on some of the others?"

"I was thinking of giving Ukyo's folks a call, hinting that she's feeling homesick. There's nothing like parents to screw up a weekend." She smiled at the thought.

"But suppose she won't go there to visit? That they come down here?"

Kasumi gave her sister a knowing look. "If she won't go visit them, and they come to visit her instead while Ranma is out of town, what do you think she's going to do?"

Nabiki waggled the spoon she had been stirring with at Kasumi. "Sometimes, you are just downright devious... I like that."

"Stirring..."

Nabiki quickly stuck the spoon back in the pot and started stirring briskly. "Okay, what about Ryoga?"

"Easy, invite him over the day we want it all to go down. Be sure to tell him not to be late."

Nabiki had to laugh at that one. "Okay, okay. Now we can't send Ranma and Akane off together or everyone will simply chase after them. I happen to know there's a pop idol Akane has been _dying_ to go see. She has several concert dates around the week in question. Once we get a firm date, I'll make sure Akane gets a ticket and a ride that's guaranteed to break down before even getting out of town." Nabiki snickered a bit. "She'll owe me for the ticket even though she doesn't get to use it."

Kasumi whacked Nabiki on the head with her spoon. "Nabiki! Do you always have to be so conniving?"

Nabiki rubbed her head. "You're no fun at all sometimes."

"Stirring..."

Nabiki resumed stirring, grumbling under her breath.

"What, Nabiki dear?"

"Nothing, Kasumi _dear_."

Kasumi smiled. "I have a task all lined up for Ranma; there's a certain tome Tofu-san has wanted for some time. I located a copy down in Yokohama; it's easy to find, but I'll leave out a few pertinent details when I talk to Ranma to make it seem like more of a challenge. He'll be back in a few hours, not days."

"You _do_ remember that this is Ranma we are talking about?"

"Of course! I've already arranged for a friend of mine to personally _hand_ the book to him as he gets off the train."

"And this person will recognize him...?"

"In both forms. I took the precaution of sending her pictures of both Ranma's forms; I told her that either of the two may show up looking for the book."

Nabiki nodded. "Okay, what about us?"

"What about us? With everyone else gone, we're just going to work on our own personal lives; in a sense, that's just what we're doing too." She now looked a little hesitant. "Did you, um, get... the _stuff_?"

Nabiki gave her best 'no problem' look. "I've got a line on a compound that'll be just the thing." She held up both hands reassuringly, "Don't worry. Nothing dangerous or freaky or permanent, just something to help them loosen up a little."

"Stirring..."

Nabiki went back to stirring the pot. "How long do I have to stir this thing anyhow?"

Shouts from upstairs followed by a loud thump and a shudder drew both girl's attention.

"About thirty more seconds." Kasumi estimated.

****

Akane went to answer the door; that wasn't very hard as said door was now lying on the floor a few feet from where she stood. She wrinkled her nose, 'Shampoo', she thought disgustedly.

The aforementioned girl was now stalking around the house calling "Airen?" She stopped in front of Akane. "Where violent kitchen-destroyer hide Shampoo's airen?"

Akane rolled her eyes. "He's not here."

"Not here?" Cologne hopped on her stick up next to Shampoo. "Great-granddaughter wishes to see her husband before we leave."

Kasumi appeared like magic behind Akane, who jumped a foot, "I sent him down to Yokohama for a book for Dr. Tofu. He'll be gone a few days."

Shampoo looked suspiciously at Akane. "Then why kitchen-destroyer still here?"

Akane bristled as red-ki energy outlined her body. "_Me_ go with that _baka_ for a few days alone? I wouldn't spend a few _minutes_ with him!"

Kasumi sighed. This morning's fight had been particularly bad. Ranma had suggested Akane skip seeing 'that karaoke club reject' and accompany him on his trip. When he finally landed, he found himself only a few yards from the train station.

"Akane's going to a concert." She told the two Amazons. "What did you mean by _leave_?" she asked Cologne.

"Nothing big." She answered. "Just some paperwork that needs person attention." She sighed; 'gods how I miss home.' she thought. 'These Japanese are fanatics on keeping their silly paperwork straight.'

"We'll drop by when we return."

"I'll let Ranma know if he's back by then." Kasumi gave one of her trademark smiles. "Have a nice trip; I hope everything turns out okay."

Cologne hopped out the door; Shampoo glared at Akane for a moment, then followed her.

Akane relaxed and turned to Kasumi. "With Daddy and Mr. Saotome gone, and me and Ranma out of town, what are you and Nabiki going to do?"

Kasumi laughed lightly, "Relax finally! Seriously, I may try to have dinner with Tofu-san." She shrugged, "I have no idea what Nabiki has planned, but I'm sure she'll find something to keep herself occupied."

"Yeah." Akane replied. "That's what worries me."

They both laughed. Kasumi gave Akane a gentle hug.

"I know you're not a little girl anymore, but do be careful Akane, and have a good time."

Akane just smiled. "I already have a few things packed." She gestured at the bag next to where the door lay. "I'm looking forward to a little 'me-time' myself. Now don't you and Tofu-san get too carried away." She leered a little at her oldest sister.

"Akane! I'm shocked! You know I never get carried away." She was laughing just the same.

A car horn sounded. "That's my ride! See ya!" Akane hugged Kasumi once more, grabbed the bag, and bounced out the door.

Nabiki came up behind Kasumi. "Wow, I'm slightly surprised! Everything's going according to plan for a change."

Kasumi headed for the kitchen. "I'll start dinner."

"What are you making?"

Teriyaki stir-fry."

"Isn't that Akane's favorite? I thought you might put on Ranma's."

"Now why would I do that? You _know_ Ranma will eat _anything_ I've cooked. I want to make sure Akane feels like eating as well." She looked at Nabiki. "Only getting to _one_ of them won't bring the desired result."

Nabiki thought it over. "True enough."

"By the way, do you know whether Ryoga is out of town?"

Nabiki laughed. "Yeah! It worked great! I told him yesterday to be here early or he'd miss seeing Akane off to her concert. Last I heard from my sources..." she looked at her watch, "about forty-five minutes ago, Ryoga was wandering around Osaka."

Kasumi chuckled a bit. "Good! One less worry. Ukyo called about an hour ago from her folks place. She's already bored to tears, but when I told her Ranma would be in Yokohama for a few days, she mumbled something about 'baka fiancés' and said to give everyone her love."

****

Kasumi and Nabiki were almost through their dinner when Akane stormed in. The newly rehung door slammed open; they could hear her stomp all the way upstairs to her room, followed by a piercing "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!"

Moments later, a dejected Akane flopped down across from Nabiki at the table; she just stared at it until Kasumi spoke.

"Akane? What happened to your concert?"

All they got from the other side was some muttering. "... piece of junk car... walking... tired and hungry..."

Kasumi got up walked around the table and patted her on the shoulder. "I'm so sorry! I'll just put some food on to warm; you'll feel better after eating." She walked back to the kitchen.

Just then, Ranma stalked in. He came up to the table and thunked a large tome down on it; everyone flinched at the sound. He looked rather disgusted. "Some damn quest! Never even got outta the station!" He flopped down next to Akane and suddenly perked up. "Hey! Food!" He made a stab at Nabiki's plate, which she adroitly moved away from his reach.

"Kasumi is heating something up. You can just wait for your own plate."

Akane gave Ranma a furious glare, got up, and walked over to the kitchen. Inside, she saw Kasumi heating a large pan of stir-fry; Kasumi took one of the spice containers and measured out a tiny amount with one of her smallest measuring spoons. She hummed to herself as she stirred it into the food.

'Agh!' Akane thought. 'She _knows_ I like my stir-fry hotter than that!' Kasumi left the kitchen a moment to welcome Ranma and retrieve the book. Akane sidled into the kitchen, knowing how the others felt about her being anywhere near that particular room in the house. She picked up the box Kasumi had used. 'Now I _know_ I'm not using the wrong ingredient... I just saw Kasumi use this and she _never_ adds in the wrong thing,' she thought wryly. She picked up the measuring spoon Kasumi had used and considered the pan before her. 'Ah, the hell with it!' She put down the measuring spoon and just shook the the box over the pan. 'I like it hot!' At that, most of the contents fell into the pan. 'Ack!' She stirred it a bit, then sniffed the fumes coming out of the pan. 'Smells okay; can't have done _that_ much harm.' She eased back into the dining room, glad that no one seemed to have noticed where she had been.

Ranma was currently trying to get Kasumi's plate. Akane pulled out her mallet and laid him flat. "You can just wait, you greedy pig!" Akane seated herself in her usual spot.

"It should be warm by now," Kasumi rose to her feet. "I'll just bring out a couple of plates." She winked to Nabiki who steadfastly ignored everything going on.

Kasumi returned with two large heaping plates of stir-fry. She set them in front of the couple.

Ranma dug into his plate with his usual abandon. Akane watched a moment, then gave a sigh of relief and started on her own. 'Wow!' she thought. 'This is great! I'll have to ask Kasumi what that spice was. It really brings out the flavor.'

Ranma paused just long enough to ask, "Not that I'm complaining, but why did you make so much?"

Kasumi smiled sweetly. "I figured I'd put most of it away for later so I could have some free time. How do you like it?"

"It's the best ever!"

Akane sniffed at that and turned up her nose, but she noticed she was eating nearly as fast as Ranma. 'My! I know I was hungry, but this is ridiculous.' She tried to slow down, then gave up and returned to wolfing down the contents of her plate.

Said plate was now cleaned off and Akane sat back, sipping the tea Kasumi had just poured. "Thanks, Kasumi. That really was fantastic."

Kasumi beamed at the compliment.

"Yeah." Ranma piped up. "Now if only _you_ could learn to cook like that!" he seemed a bit wistful.

Akane would normally at this point pull forth her mallet and use it on Ranma like a meat tenderizer; Kasumi held her breath and waited, but when the wait was over, the result was _anything_ but normal.

Akane burst into tears. "I-I-I'm sorry Ranma! I try, but I guess I'm j-just not g-g-good enough."

Kasumi and Nabiki _would_ have fallen except for the fact that they were already seated. Now, it's a proven fact that their jaws could not actually hit the floor... the table was in the way.

What happened next put both girls in a catatonic state.

Ranma took Akane in his arms, her head cradled to his shoulder. "Don't cry Akane! I'm sorry! I'm such an _idiot_. Please! I love you!"

Both girls now fell over completely.

Akane looked up at Ranma, tears running down her cheeks. "You love me?"

"More than life itself! More than all the money in the world! More than - than - than," he struggled to find something big enough. "More than Kasumi's cooking!"

"Oh! Ranma!"

Akane and Ranma kissed, long, slow, savoring every moment. The world ceased to exist around them.

Kasumi and Nabiki overcame their shock, and using each other for support, managed to sit upright once more. Seeing Akane and Ranma locked in a passionate kiss, they grinned at each other. 'Mission accomplished.'

After a few minutes of continuous caressing, Nabiki had to speak up. "Hate to break this up, love birds, but some of us would like to keep our dinner in its proper place."

Akane and Ranma stopped kissing, but didn't release one another. They looked across at Kasumi and Nabiki as if seeing them for the first time. Never releasing each other, they staggered to their feet and headed towards the stairs, once more locking lips and stumbling over everything between the dining room and the stairs. They eventually made it up the stairs after a few close calls, and shortly, Kasumi and Nabiki heard Akane's door slam open and shut again.

Kasumi let out the breath she had been holding. "Well, that went pretty well. I just hope it's enough to settle their feelings for each other."

Nabiki looked up towards the ceiling; a faint squeaking could be heard. "Oh, I'd say it's about as settled as you can get."

They both continued to sip their tea. Eventually, the squeaking got louder and moans could now be heard.

Kasumi reddened. "My, that compund was certainly - effective."

Nabiki smirked at her. "Yeah, maybe you should use some in that dinner you're planning for Tofu-san."

Kasumi got even redder.

Some time later, the squeaking became a loud banging, the moans now shouts of ecstasy.

Kasumi frowned at her sister. "I thought you said that potion would just _break the ice_."

Nabiki frowned back. "Just how much did you use in that pan?"

"_Exactly_ the amount you said to use... one quarter of one teaspoon." She got up and retrieved the box from the kitchen; said box seemed quite a bit lighter to Kasumi. She sat next to Nabiki and opened it - it was nearly empty.

Both girls stared, then raised their stare to the ceiling.

In Akane's room, the couple in the bed had long since passed the point of passion, passed the point of ecstasy, and were well on their way toward a new level that had no name as none had ever reached it before. Their ki had risen and flowed around each other, much as did their bodies. The interaction of their ki was building to a level greater than any attack Ranma had ever used, even when battling Saffron. Things reached a climax - both figurative and literal.

Downstairs, Kasumi and Nabiki both continued to stare at the ceiling, open-mouthed, as plaster was falling in places and lights swayed. A split-second of silence preceded an explosion that tore the roof off the house; all the upstairs walls burst, and the second floor fell to the first in the vicinity of Akane's room. Plaster filled the air in a choking cloud, and small fires burned here and there. Kasumi and Nabiki still sat at what was left of the table, covered in plaster dust. They blinked to clear their eyes, and as the dust settled, they could see that Akane's bed now occupied a place in the living room; it was clearly 'ground zero' of the explosion. Two figures now slept there, a happy look on both faces.

Kasumi was the first to find her voice, and what else was there to say?

"Oh, oh my."

Author's Notes: I don't really have any idea what Akane's favorite dish is... seeing how popular stir-fry dishes are, it's a good guess. I figure it's probably something like koyadofu itame (tofu stir-fry); add a little mirin (sweet cooking wine) to the basic recipe to make it a teriyaki stir-fry. Akatogarashi (Japanese dried red chile pepper) is a popular spice for making dishes like stir-fries hotter; it is supposed to be used in "modest" amounts. Given the quantity Kasumi adds to the stir-fry, that is what Akane _assumes_ her to be adding. She's not an idiot, so when she spills most of the spice box into the dish, she let's Ranma try it first; she never tastes her own cooking, which is part of the problem she has in making edible dishes. When Ranma doesn't keel over, she tries it herself and discovers that it wasn't really akatogarashi (lucky for her), but something else entirely (unlucky for her). She resolves to ask Kasumi about it at some future time, but for some strange reason, never brings up the subject again. You can find good books on Japanese cooking anywhere; my current favorite is "The Japanese Kitchen" by Hiroko Shimbo. 


	2. Too Much, Too

Ranma 1/2: Too Much of a Good Thing - Chapter 2

Ranma 1/2 is a trademark of Viz Communications, Inc. and was created by Rumiko Takahashi.  
This story is of my own derivation and is not intended for commercial purposes, so please don't sue me.  


Too Much of a Good Thing

by Joe Fenton

Chapter 2: Too Much, Too

Four girls sat in the Tendo dojo; they had to as the house had been condemned moments before. The fire trucks had all left and things were slowly returning to normal. The consensus by the neighbors was yet another attempt by yet another wandering prince to take Akane and/or Ranma back to his homeland as his bride; after all, such occurrences _were_ common with the pair in question. Things just got a _little_ more out-of-hand than normal this time. Destruction like what occurred at the Tendo house was common with Ranma and company, but was usually spread more evenly around the compound - and the neighborhood, much to the disgust of the neighbors. That all the damage was this time confined _entirely_ to the Tendo home was considered a blessing by most of the folks who lived nearby.

So Kasumi, Nabiki, Akane, and Ranma sat in the dojo, all of them in wet clothing. Kasumi and Nabiki because they'd had to douse themselves with water to clean off the plaster dust that had coated them; Akane and Ranma because the only clothes they had which had survived the blast were in the washing machine. It irritated Ranma no end that the clothes had been wet enough to trigger the curse. All other clothing had been shredded and were still falling irregularly around the compound. Nabiki was still angry over that.

"You're paying for them... they were designer clothes, some from America." Nabiki glowered at the pair. "Do you _know_ how much American stone-washed jeans cost?"

Kasumi sighed and interrupted her. "The clothes are the _least_ of our worries. What are we going to do about the house?" She shook her head. "We've had to make repairs before, but this is _totally_ different. The house is a complete wreck; it doesn't need to be repaired, it needs to be rebuilt!"

Akane and Ranma reddened yet again as they recalled why the house was in its current state. They knew why - the stuff Nabiki had obtained affected inhibitions, not memory. Neither had said anything yet about the incident, but neither had they separated or even argued over who was to blame. Despite the extremity of the resolution, things _had_ been resolved at last; the pair was just taking time to allow that knowledge to sink in - and finding that knowledge comforting. Although they hadn't spoken two words since awakening, the glances they shared periodically spoke volumes.

Ranma gave Kasumi and Nabiki an angry glare. "Just what the heck was in that food you served us, anyway?"

Kasumi looked pleading. "The amount I added wouldn't have had that great an affect! I _swear_, Ranma! I have no idea _how_ any more got added in."

Akane was lucky she was already flushed from embarrassment; her reaction to Kasumi's statement would have given her away for certain.

Nabiki made an aggrieved face. "Too bad Kuno's away for the summer - we could have sold you two to him. That would have covered the cost of rebuilding easily."

"How 'bout we auction you off to everyone you ever pissed off!" Ranma had jumped to her feet, fists clenched as tight as her jaw.

Kasumi laid a calming hand on her arm. "There won't be anymore of _that_." She looked pointedly at Nabiki. "Things like that led to the situations that precipitated today's calamity. It doesn't help - it only makes things worse."

Ranma slowly sat down again, glaring at Nabiki. Nabiki had the aplomb to look embarrassed.

"Sorry... it's just that I'm at a loss for once - everything I ever had just got blasted into confetti, the home I was born in is a pile of rubble, and I can't do a thing to help." If the others hadn't known this was Nabiki, they'd _swear_ she'd been on the verge of tears.

Kasumi tried to get control over the discussion once more. "This is too big for us to handle alone. We're just going to have to come clean to our parents and take responsibility."

Ranma pointed out the obvious. "Even if we had the money to start rebuilding now, there's no _way_ we could keep them from finding out what happened unless they stayed away a month. Since when have we ever caught a break that big?" She continued, "Then we have the problem of money - my family certainly doesn't have the kinda money we're gonna need, and if yours did, we wouldna had as much trouble with Nabiki." Nabiki sniffed at the statement, her expression once more aggrieved.

Ranma stood again, a determined look on her face. "No, it's up to me to handle the money problem. The only way we'll get outta this alive is if the rebuilding is underway _and_ paid off when they return."

Nabiki burst out laughing. Eventually, she noticed Ranma's dark expression and her laughter tapered off. She wiped her eyes with a sleeve. "Okay, Ranma. Just be sure to use some protection." She gave her a wicked leer.

Ranma jumped. "What the _hell_ are you talking about!"

Nabiki gave her a cool look. "Well, you _did_ say you were going to take care of the cost of rebuilding _our_ home. Given your talents, I _assumed_ you meant you'd sell yourself on the street."

Ranma leaned toward the girl, practically screaming. "Are you _nuts_!!! I _do_ have some self-respect! No, I was talking about going onto 'Wei Dao Hen Hao' and _winning_ the money." She looked rather smug at this.

Nabiki leapt to her feet, a microphone in one hand. "You mean that game show, 'This is Delicious', that makes fun of Chinese cuisine by forcing contestants to eat the most horrid examples of cooking ever devised by certified psychotic chefs?"

Akane finally spoke. "Um, Ranma? I thought you said you had some self-respect?"

After Ranma recovered from her face-fault, she knelt by Akane. "Akane, love, darling, only you can help me with this. I must prepare for the show and only you can help with the training I'll need." Now the other girls had their own turn at face-faulting.

Akane looked ecstatic. "O-of course, Ranma. If you really need my help." She gave Ranma a big hug,. "I'd _love_ to help! It _is_ partly my fault anyway." She _didn't_ mention her part in spiking their dinner.

Ranma jumped back to her feet. "Great! You try and salvage whatever foodstuffs you can; Kasumi and I'll work on the kitchen." She turned to Nabiki. "Find out when the next episode is taping and get me on it."

****

A few hours later, they stopped to admire their hard work. They had been lucky that the kitchen and pantry, located on the ground floor, only took incidental damage from the blast; quite a bit of goods had survived. Although the kitchen was mostly intact, Ranma, now back in male-form, had not bothered even looking at the stove; the gas to the house had been shut off by the fire department and he was not about to risk a gas explosion by turning it back on. Instead, he'd gone to a neighbor for some hot water and a portable stove unit. He would accomplish more in male-form, and the portable stove unit would suffice for the time they'd need it. He had just hooked up the propane cannisters to it when Nabiki returned from using a phone at a friend's house.

"We're lucky... the next taping is in two days. I managed to get Ranma entered - for some strange reason, they seem to have trouble getting as many contestants as they'd like." She smiled wryly. "The grand prize is currently two million yen."

Ranma nodded. "Good; that should be enough given the discounts the local construction crews give us for being frequent customers." He wiped his brow. "It's getting late; I'd better have Akane start on dinner."

Nabiki jumped a foot and Kasumi dropped the plate she was cleaning.

"Akane is cooking our dinner?" Nabiki looked completely freaked.

Ranma reassured the girls. "Not your dinner - _my_ dinner. I gotta start training."

Nabiki relaxed. "Oh, well that's okay then. I'm just not ready to die yet."

Akane chose just that moment to appear. "What's up? What are you talking about? Who's dying?"

Nabiki froze in terror, but Ranma quickly covered for her. "We were just talking about the explosion; we're just glad no one was hurt." He gave Akane a big smile. "Akane? Could you make me a really _special_ dinner? I'd really love it."

She beamed. "It'll be the _best_ dinner you ever had!" She started grabbing ingredients. "vegetable oil..." she grabbed some vinegar, "an onion..." she grabbed a potato, "an egg..." at least she recognized that, "flour..." the sugar looked close, "butter..." she got that right too, but failed to realize that the refrigerator had been off for hours... the butter was _quite_ rancid, "lettuce..." she grabbed a head of cabbage. Ranma walked off, looking a bit green around the gills. He wasn't looking forward to dinner; this would be the toughest training he had ever done.

Nabiki pulled him aside as he left the kitchen. "I know you love her, but are willing to die for her?"

"Don't worry, I haven't died from anything she's cooked so far."

"Yes, but you haven't deliberately tried eating nothing but Akane's cooking for two straight days, either."

"I need to be prepared for the contest. Do you want your house rebuilt or not?"

Nabiki had no ready reply to this.

****

Two days later, they were standing before the studio where they taped 'This is Delicious'. Ranma appeared to have lost about ten pounds and had a slightly feral look about the eyes. He went to check in as the girls found a spot in the studio audience.

Akane looked a little worried. "Do you think Ranma will be all right? He hasn't looked good the last day or so."

Nabiki gave her a close look. "You're still completely clueless."

She gave Nabiki a glare. "And what does _that_ mean exactly?"

Kasumi intervened. "Never mind, the show is about to start." She hissed under her breath at Nabiki, "Don't tease her like that or I won't bail you out next time."

Nabiki crossed her arms and hunched down in her seat scowling.

Akane grabbed her arm. "It's starting!" She was clearly excited.

The host came out onto the stage and started his usual introduction for the viewers before introducing the contestants. The contestants were the usual assorted characters, most appearing to be college students, with one common feature: they were all men; apparently, women had more sense, or weaker stomachs - the argument could be made either way. There were two contestants that stood out from the rest: one being Ranma, who was quite obviously the youngest; the other had the appearance of being his only real competition - one would guess him to be a retired sumo wrestler. As the host reached him and made the introduction, that was exactly who he was.

For his part, the host appeared slightly bored; he had a bad feeling that the show wouldn't last another season if they didn't have an episode with significantly better ratings than the last several. As he went down the row of contestants, he didn't see much to inspire hope about this group - the retired sumo wrestler was the clear favorite to win this, and clear favorites made for boring episodes. He almost laughed when he reached Ranma. 'Where are they finding these contestants?' He thought to himself. 'This one'll faint at the first dish.' It was a clear sign that it was time to start working on his résumé. He kept these thoughts firmly in the back of his mind as he made the introductions with a big smile and as much feigned excitement as he could muster.

As for Ranma, he felt he would faint _before_ the first dish if they didn't hurry; he was starved from his training and the thought of food prepared by someone other than Akane was making his mouth water. He didn't hear a word the host said; his mind was focused on the covered dishes being set before the contestants by the attractive assistants.

"You all know how the game works." Then the host continued as if no one _did_ know. "Each round will last until the contestants finish the dish in front of them; 100 points is awarded for the one finishing first, 50 points for second, and 25 points for third. In the event that no one finishes, contestants are placed by who lasted longest. Points increase with each round, and rounds will continue only if at least two contestants finish their - ahem - _meal_.

The audience laughed as prompted by the electronic sign not visible to the cameras.

The host allowed some time for the laughter, then continued. "If two or more contestants make it through four rounds, the fifth will be for the _Grand Prize_!"

Prompted cheering and yelling greeted this announcement.

Ranma started at this; he'd forgotten that they'd have to reach the fifth round to get the grand prize. It wouldn't do him any good to win if they didn't last that many rounds. He finally looked down the row of contestants, then gave a sigh of relief as he saw the sumo wrestler; the two of them would certainly make it that far.

"And now, the First Round! A simple and classic Chinese fair - Spicy Salt Shrimp; unfortunately, our chefs ran out of shrimp." The host paused for the audience reaction, then continued smoothly. "So they used _locusts_ instead!"

The audience did some real cheering and yelling as the assistants smoothly removed the lids from the contestant's plates to reveal heaps of fried locusts. One contestant _did_ faint at this, and a few looked about to.

Ranma was not one of these; he was tapping chopsticks held in both hands, waiting for the host to start the round. When it came, he wasted no time. His chopsticks seemingly vanished, as did the pile of locusts on his plate as Ranma used the Amaguriken speed technique Cologne had shown him for a most unusual purpose.

Another contestant fainted at the sight, and several others just gaped before starting belatedly on their own plates.

"And the winner of round one, _Ranma Saotome_!" The host stood next to the boy, surprised at how easily he had won that round. There was clearly more to him than met the eye; from the cheering of the audience, the boy was now also the clear favorite of the audience. He sincerely hoped the boy could keep it up a few more rounds - he might just keep his job another season.

There was a pause as the unconscious contestants were taken away, and dishes brought in for round two. The host relaxed while they were off camera. "That was some display, my boy! Just how do you manage to eat that at all, much less so fast?"

Ranma just smiled. "You wouldn't believe some of the things I've eaten." He waved to the girls sitting in the audience.

Akane waved back, then whispered to Nabiki, "This is so exciting! But I can't _believe_ he actually ate that! How could he stand eating something so disgusting?" She made a face.

Nabiki looked about to say something, then decided it would be best to keep it to herself. Besides, it was time for round two.

The host was all smiles now that the cameras were rolling. "For round two, we move on to a slightly more elaborate dish - tomato beef on a bed of chow mein. But, as you know," he gave the audience a knowing wink, "we save the money for the prize and not the food, so we couldn't afford the beef or egg noodles. Our chefs worked hard to make do and used old boot leather and worms instead!"

The audience all made appropriately disgusted noises as the lids were removed from the plates; the old boot leather didn't look too bad after being cooked, but was totally offset by the fact that the worms were still wriggling. A few contestants made appropriately disgusted noises via the natural method. Less than half the contestants would finish this round.

Ranma won this one as well, but was not very far ahead of the sumo wrestler. He was still ahead, but he wasn't sure how long that would remain the case given the dishes they were being served. His attention was drawn to another contestant who lost both the contents of his stomach and his place in the next round. 'I wonder if this was such a good idea.'

He was _definitely_ sure it wasn't by the end of round four. Only he and the sumo wrestler remained; Ranma had only placed second in the third and fourth rounds. If he didn't win the final round, he wouldn't win at all. The only positive point was a short break as the chefs had to be subdued after a small riot occurred in the set kitchen. Ranma stood with the girls near the stage watching as the stage hands used cattle prods on the chefs.

"I don't know if I can win this." He confessed to Nabiki. "This is worse than I thought. Two days just wasn't quite enough training." He looked rather dejected and down.

Nabiki gave him a smile. "Come on... you can do it! You're Ranma! No one beats you in a contest."

He didn't bother to reply - that worried Nabiki considerably. She dragged Akane off to the side.

"Akane, Ranma needs something to clear his palate for the final round." She dragged her to an unoccupied part of the set kitchen. "Maybe you can whip him up a drink - maybe a fruit drink or something."

Akane gave her a big smile. "That's a great idea!" She started collecting things to put in the blender as Nabiki left the kitchen. Nabiki hoped it would be enough.

Ranma was about to head back onto the stage as Akane approached holding a glass.

"Here, Ranma. I made you a nice fruit drink to clear your mouth of that awful stuff you've been eating." She shoved the glass into his hand and ran back to her seat in the audience.

Ranma was so depressed about the upcoming round, he automatically drained the glass before realizing what he was drinking. He dropped the glass and clawed at his throat. The _burning_... the _choking_... the smell clogged his sinuses and made him gag. It got worse as the mixture oozed down his throat, spreading the pain to his stomach and then his intestines. He stumbled the rest of the way to his place on stage, oblivious to everything but the fire in his gut. He had to do _something_ to stop the pain!

The host announced the final round - they had made it to the final round, something that rarely occurred. A glance at the contestants showed that the boy would probably not last through the final dish; it was too bad, the boy had been a real boost to the show and he had secretly hoped the boy could somehow pull it off. He sighed inwardly.

Akane watched from the audience, concerned about Ranma's strange behavior. "What's wrong with Ranma?"

Nabiki gave her a sharp look. "You _did_ give him that drink, right?"

"Yes, of course."

Nabiki gave a sigh of relief. "Good. He'll be just fine. Just watch." Then she took her own advice.

The host addressed the audience. "We now move into the Final Round! This has been one of the most _exciting_ shows I've ever witnessed!" It really had been; he just wished the final round didn't let people down too much. Rating should be really high on this episode. "Our two finalists have shown the courage of Samurai and the stomachs of wild boars. But now everything hinges on this one last dish." He waved on the assistants bearing the last two covered dishes for this show. "We decided to go easy on our finalists just this once and made the final dish with all the proper ingredients." He waited for the booing and hissing to die down. "Our final dish is Cantonese Chicken Curry - the chicken was scraped off the local freeway just this morning, I was told that the crew had to scour several dozen garbage bins for the vegetables, and I _personally_ got the coconut milk a week ago just for this show." Now the crowd was back to cheering and yelling.

"So, let the Final Round - BEGIN!" The assistants lifted the lids off the plates. The sumo wrestler winced noticeably at the smell.

Ranma was in his own world - a world of pain as his intestines tied themselves in knots and his stomach tried to turn itself inside out. He couldn't swallow and could barely breath. _He had to kill the pain_! He saw the lid lift from the plate before him and the solution to his problem revealed itself. The chopsticks were _too_ slow! He tossed them aside and dug in with both hands.

The audience went dead silent as they watched with open mouths. The host had _never_ seen an audience reaction so severe and turned to look for himself - and found himself just as speechless.

Ranma was stuffing the contents of his plate down his throat with both hands as fast as he could. He was oblivious to the audience, to his competitor, who was watching as open-mouthed as the rest of the studio, to _everything_ but deadening his innards. He only came out of it when his plate was empty. He gave a sigh of relief as the mess soothed his ravaged insides; he slowly became aware of the dead silence that pervaded the studio and looked around curiously. The sumo wrestler was staring at him with bug-eyes, the plate in front of him still untouched. The host and his lovely assistants looked equally stunned, and to be frank, a little nauseous. The audience was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop - for exactly one full minute. The roar practically knocked everyone on stage off their feet as the audience jumped to its feet screaming and yelling and hooting and cheering.

The host tried to speak, but gave it up as he couldn't be heard over the crowd. He let them carry on until they yelled themselves out. 'This one's definitely one for the books.' He smiled and walked over to Ranma and raised his hand high. The crowd doubled their volume.

One of the assistants brought Ranma a cloth to clean his face and hands. Another brought him a glass of water; the host never talked with any of the winners until after they drank enough to clear most of the smell. This also gave the crowd time to wind itself down; that wasn't always necessary, but today they needed all the time they could get.

Eventually, the crowd worked itself down to the point where the host could again be heard. By this time, Akane and the other girls had forced their way through the crowd; Akane moved to stand next to Ranma as the host started the wrap-up interview.

"I stand here with today's Grand Prize Winner, Ranma Saotome, and I can say without hesitation or fear of contradiction that I have _never_ before hosted a show so exciting or dramatic! So tell me Ranma, how did you do it? And who's this lovely girl here with you?" He shoved the microphone into his face.

Ranma scratched his head nervously. "Well, this beautiful young woman is my fiancée, Akane Tendo, and I have to give most of the credit for my win today to her." He embraced her warmly. "I couldn't have done it without you."

The host couldn't be more ecstatic. An underdog winner giving all the credit to his lovely fiancée - TV executives _killed_ for episodes like this. He might actually get a _raise_ out this one. "So, what do you two plan to do with the prize money?" He couldn't have written a better answer than the one Ranma gave.

"We're building the house in which we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together." The two kissed with a passion obvious to everyone present.

They'd have to work hard to get it edited in time to air that afternoon. It was their finest episode.

****

As the afternoon faded into evening, the four found themselves on the bus back to Nerima. Kasumi and Nabiki shared a seat, and Akane and Ranma occupied the one directly in front of them. Akane and Ranma snuggled together, talking quietly. Nabiki smiled at how well things had turned out.

She had really cleaned up at the studio; the side bets she placed with some of the audience members had paid off handsomely. She had then arranged with the studio financiers the deposit of the prize money in an account. She had _then_ arranged the transfer of a previously agreed upon amount to another account to cover the cost of rebuilding their home; she had managed to finagle an additional discount from the contractors because of the scope of the rebuilding project. The savings had of course gone into her private account. While Akane and Kasumi got something to eat, she made one last side trip with Ranma for a private purchase he had discussed with her the day before - at a price - and they were finally on their way back home.

Oh yes, today had definitely been the finest day she could readily bring to mind. Nothing would spoil this memory.

****

Ryoga stopped at the back gate leading into the dojo, started walking, then stopped again in confusion. Was this the right place? He scratched the back of his head. Yes, there was the sign, 'Tendo's Martial Arts - School of Indiscriminate Grappling' and the smaller one on the back gate, 'Enter here to defeat owner in savage combat', but something was wrong. He couldn't place it for a moment; when it did come to him, he almost fainted in shock. The house was gone! One could normally see the second story over the boundary wall that encircled the compound; that was what had thrown him off.

He leaped to the top of the boundary wall and stared at the carnage before him. For all intents and purposes, the house was gone; the second story literally _was_ gone. The first story was partly intact, but the damage was severe enough that even Ryoga could tell the place was uninhabitable. "Akane..." He knew she wasn't supposed to be home yet, but he was still concerned. Her sisters _were_ supposed to be here, but he saw no one. He leapt off the wall and searched the ruins of the house; he stuck his head in the dojo, but no one was there. He sat in the doorway of the dojo; there wasn't a sign of anyone.

Had they been taken to the hospital? Had they been kidnapped? Who had attacked the house? He had no answers to any of the questions. Akane was sure to be devastated when she got back, and Ryoga would be here to comfort her.

****

Cologne sighed as Shampoo sat in front of the TV in the hotel room they had rented; they had saved money by not renting a separate room for Mousse - they simply filled the tub with cold water and locked him in the bathroom for the night in duck-form. It had taken longer to complete the paperwork than originally expected, but they could finally return to the Neko Hanten. Mousse was currently in a pet carrier to save the bus fare; certainly, it was cruel to the boy, but after all, he was just a male.

"Come, great-granddaughter. It is time to return home."

"Not yet. Shampoo watching favorite TV show."

She sighed again. That was why the Amazon council had voted against allowing TVs back home. "Please - we will be late getting home if we wait any longer."

Shampoo looked torn, then reached to turn off the set - then just as quickly, she snatched her hand back. She pointed at the set.

"AIYA!! Great-grandmother, Airen on TV show!"

Cologne could not have been more surprised. There was Ranma in the contestant's row; he was supposed to be in Yokohama, but there he was - the camera doesn't lie, though it _does_ add ten pounds. She hopped onto the bed and watched the show with Shampoo.

Shampoo was cheering for Ranma just as hard as the studio audience - until the end; one second she was cheering, the next she was nose to the TV as Akane appeared on stage. "What kitchen-destroyer doing with Airen?" She gave a little shriek as they embraced - _then_ they kissed.

Shampoo had a bonbori out in an instant. "Airen! _Stop that_!!!" She brought the colorful mace down on the set; it obligingly stopped displaying the offensive image as it imploded. She turned to face Cologne. "_Now_ go home!"

****

Ukyo sat in her dad's living room. Bored, bored, bored, bored. Did she mention she was bored? Her dad was glued to the TV, as usual; he'd work, come home, watch TV until dinner, watch a little more TV, then go to bed. Did she mention she was bored? Even worse, the current program was some insipid game show that featured complete morons being forced to eat food you wouldn't serve to animals. She snorted at the thought that the stuff could even be called food. She paid it no attention... until the winner of the first round was announced. She bolted upright and jumped in front of the TV.

Her dad finally addressed her. "_Ranma Saotome_? That wouldn't happen to be the son of that miserable thief _Genma Saotome_? The one that stole my food cart and honor? The one that skipped out on his agreement to marry you to his son, also named Ranma? The one that you went to Nerima to find to restore the family honor?"

All she could do was nod.

They watched in silence. Her dad seemed irritated at Ranma's success. He seemed furious when he won. Then Akane appeared on stage. He was up out of his recliner, standing next to her as he listened to the interview. "_Fiancée_?" He was livid. "Building the house _they_ will live in together?"

The pair kissed. It was too much for Ukyo to stand - she reached for her battle spatula - which wasn't there. She turned to look for it, then turned back as a crash filled the room. Her dad handed her back her battle spatula.

"Get your stuff - we're going to Nerima." He stormed from the room.

****

On Oahu Island, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, sat in a lawn chair on an exclusive beach. He sipped a cool drink as he pondered the peaceful action of the ocean. His crazy sister was off scaling one of the many volcanoes of Hawaii Island, looking for some rare plant known for its hallucinogenic properties, while his crazy father was off to a nearby pineapple plantation to replenish his stock for the next school term. He didn't spare either a single thought; in fact, he really wasn't thinking _period_. He smiled slightly and took another sip of his drink. These vacations were just the break he needed.

What? You thought they were going to come storming back just in time to join in all the mayhem? They're on vacation.

****

Nodoka sat in her living room, cleaning the family sword. It wasn't the most fun way to spend the evening, but Nodoka wasn't one to complain. Her life had been so empty since Ranma and Genma had left on their training journey; even their return hadn't changed her life as they were staying with the Tendo's until Ranma and Akane settled things between them. So she kept the home up, cleaned the family sword, and waited for the day her lonely life finally changed. It wasn't long now, though she had no way to know that.

The phone rang and she got up to answer it. "Hello, Saotome residence." She listened a moment, then dropped the phone and ran to the TV. She hadn't watched it in years; she hoped it worked. It slowly warmed up and the picture formed; she worked the controls furiously, looking for a particular channel. When she found it, she caught her breath. Yes! Her son was standing on the stage with the host of the show, whatever it was. She could hear the deafening roars of the crowd behind them and he was looking rather happy.

She completely forgot to breath as Akane appeared on stage next to him. She almost collapsed as they hugged. They _hugged_! She almost missed Ranma's last statement. It slowly sank in as she watched the couple kissing - for that was what they _clearly_ were, a couple. She remembered to breath, and with it let out a happy scream. She grabbed the family sword on the way out. She had so many things to do on her way to her in-law's home; it felt so _good_ to be able to finally say that.

****

Two weary men trudged along the road back to Nerima. They both had huge sacks of purloined undergarments slung on their backs. A small figure road atop one of the sacks, berating the two.

"I can't believe what lousy students you are! We'd have been back days ago with twice the haul if you two had even half the ability you claim to have!"

The men tuned out their master; Happosai had been ragging on them the entire trip. They were just looking forward to getting home and leaving behind this nightmare trip. No more being chased by angry women... no more being chased by angry storekeepers... no more being chased by angry livestock - no, you _don't_ want to know.

Soun spoke to Genma in spurts as he got the breath needed to speak. "You know... Saotome... I've got... this funny... feeling that... something's... wrong back home."

Genma's reply was just as broken. "You're just... responding... to the... terror of... the last few... days, Tendo... Ranma's... there and... everything's... perfectly fine."

The three continued to close on their goal, as did a few other groups and one individual. God help Nerima.

Author's Notes: Some folks may think Akane is out of character in this chapter; I'd say she was just showing only part of her normal character. If you know the Ranma canon, Akane is shy, sweet, and very passionate, but _very_ easily provoked; as Kasumi put's it in the first volume, "She's very sweet, she's just a violent maniac." Due to the interference of everyone else, Ranma is always provoking her; given last chapter's events, Ranma can no longer bring himself to do so. With a lack of other sources of provocation, save one moment when Nabiki almost gets herself in trouble, Akane is in an unusually extended period of calm. That will not last into the next chapter, so rest assured that we'll see more of the Akane temper - er - _spirit_ we all love so much next time. Bonus points to those who recognized the ingredients Akane was gathering as those needed for eel burgers. Strange, but this story line seems excessively full of plotting and cooking. I guess its because they are so similar: you need to be totally prepared before hand, be completely focused on the task, and the result may not always be what you were expecting. 


End file.
